Pardon my stream of conciousness. But you tell me, what are the chances this ends with an “I want to represent you” phone call?
Query letter and first chapter sent to agent
Receive email from agent requesting larger excerpt by snail mail or email.
Chose email—and attach full manuscript
Receive automatic response from agency—translation: “you’re in the slush email loop.”
Call agency to inform them of dilemma. Receptionist offers to leave message for agent.
Agent calls when I’m not home (I’M ALWAYS HOME!)
Agent leaves voice mail explaining I should send an email if I have a question about my manuscript.
Send another email
Receive another automatic response
Print hard copy of manuscript online to Kinko’s
Prepare Express Mail package with stamps purchased from self-postage machine in May 2007 and placed in the drawer for future large mailings (post office is not close to home).
Call critique partner from Kinkos store to confirm spelling of word I’ve already spellchecked. It is correct.
Critique partner says to make sure postage is adequate. Yuk yuk, after all this, wouldn’t that be funny?!
Go to Mail Box store to double check weight for postage
About to seal package, realize I’ve left my business cards at home and the cute plastic folder I purchased in which to send manuscript has the perfect business card slot.
Notice the “Extremely urgent” notation on the express mail package and decide agent might be perturbed at my insinuating the priority of my work.
Change to Priority Mail package and attach more May 2007 postage
Drive to post office to get in 1pm pickup.
Wait in line to find out my postage has “expired.” WHAT!?
Go to self-serve postage machine and order up new postage
Opt for delivery confirmation and drop package in the box
Panic because now agent will be perturbed at delivery confirmation request.
My phone won’t be ringing, will it?